ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
