i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
