i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
