i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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