Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
