i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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