Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
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I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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