Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
