Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
