Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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