Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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