So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize