I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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