Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
