In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
