he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize