I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
