theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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