Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
