i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize