I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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