i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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