everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Terrible idea I love it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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