We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
