sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
