I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
