Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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