If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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