I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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