this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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