Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
