My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
