Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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