am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize