There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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