there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
