dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
