i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
