I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
