if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
