your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
