What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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