he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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