Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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