I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
