How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
