I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
