True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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