We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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