he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
