whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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