Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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