You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
