Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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