She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
