She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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