Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
