Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
