It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
