dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
