I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You ate ashes out of my bong
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
