I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
