There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
where am i from again
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
