Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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