I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
